Socks in the Drawer

" I put my socks in your drawer" he told me.  Those simple words hit me hard.

Almost 10 years ago, as my life was falling apart, I bought and moved into a smaller house for myself and my kids (part time) to live in. I was lost. Making poor choices and decisions. Searching for something, someone, anything, anyone, to make me feel better, to try and fix this new and shattered me. Or at least make me forget for a short time of what I had become.  I lived for 5 years with my kids coming and going several days a week, until adulthood and college took them away full time, leaving me alone in my home. And I learned to be okay. I learned to actually like my solitude when I came home from work, or from one of my adventures seeing different parts of the country. I liked the quiet. I liked the mostly always clean place I could escape from the world, and everyone in it. I moved to a small apartment a few years ago in the city, continuing my alone time, maintaining my space, following my routine and cleaning schedule. I retreated into my art covered walls, all the while throwing up more and walls to guard myself and my feelings. Over the past 10 years, since my marriage crashed and died, Ive had a few short term things that fizzled. I had a long term relationship that I ultimately had to end due to my  inability to love and care for that person the way they deserved and needed. I was crushed when someone I thought was going to be a good fit for a forever partner turned out to be a much better lifelong good friend, for which I am so thankful he recognized this since I did'nt at the time. I hurt some peoples hearts and feelings, and had mine injured as well but since I had grown to keep myself, and kep my feelings under wraps and not let myself get to hopeful or attached (everyone leaves me one way or another) I was ok. And so....I kept my place  OCD clean. I did my weekly shopping. I met friends for dinner or coffee, or I would be the driver while they drank ( I stopped drinking for good one year, one month, and 18 days ago). I went to work, came home, and ignored those around me I didn't want to let in. And I was ok.
But then...I slowly began to think "I'm missing out. Something isn't right".  I began cautiously actually talking and dating, rather than meeting new nameless mates for a few hours of purely physical release, never to see or speak again. I started making the second and third contact. But still....the guards were up. The locks in place. I was closed off. My good friend kept telling me "you've got to try. you've got to just see." And then I began to see...
We started like so many others before. No expectations. I had no hope or thoughts anything more than a nice evening would transpire. But then,  there was a next day text. and then a bunch more. A second date. A third.  Not a day went by there wasn't some contact of some kind. I tried to hide. I used my method of making someone not right by finding things I didn't like and expanding on them. I focused on the negative aspects. I shut down any thoughts I started to have of "maybe...". and yet I kept saying yes to seeing him when I could. My encouraging friend became my sounding board on my indecisiveness. I fought it. Determined "this is the last time" we would see each other and my resolve became "next time will really be it...."
And then....I realized I didn't want it be the last time. I realized I was looking forward to "next time".  I left him sleeping in my bed when I went to work  a few times with the spare key on the counter for him to hide after locking up. Someone was in my space. We began talking about "someday" and "when we do or go.." Messages went from "do you want to come over on your day off" to "do you want to make dinner tonight or go out when you get there".  A short getaway sealed it. I knew the gates I had put up and welded shut were cracked. He had worked his way into my feelings. When I knew this, I was scared. Again, everyone leaves me. I ruin stuff. I'm not emotionally THERE like I should be. I cant give like he deserves. But there it was... a bit of hope. a flicker of seeing a future not spent dying alone at my dining room table surrounded by pictures of a past life lived well. We had the "where are going with this talk".  I gave him his own key to my house. I told him to just assume he was welcome anytime.  We made tentative plans for holidays and a vacation.  We talked about getting a different couch someday. The once or twice a week wake ups together became shorter in between, with plans "down the road" for it to become more permanent. I had to be ready to give up my alone time. I needed to make sure I could still be selfish enough to have my life and space but have someone else in it too. I had accepted I was meant to be alone, and I was fine with this. I didn't want this to change.After my life fell apart I vowed I would never let myself feel like that about someone again, never let someone in like that again. I had to protect myself, and would. Nobody is allowed near enough to hurt me again.   But  My friend told me to "just go with it. Let yourself have this". And so... I did.  I dropped my guard and let him march fully in. I shattered my determination to be ok with how things were and decided to see how they will be instead.  There will be someone there now across from me at the table at night. When I roll over in my sleep every night I will be reaching out touching someone. The shower has different body washes in it.  I have to close the bathroom door now when I use it. And I'm ok with all of this. I did it. I found what I didn't know I wanted or needed.  I'm sharing my space, my life, my feelings, my heart, fully with someone like I haven't done in many many years, like i thought I couldn't ever again.

" I put my socks in your drawer".  Yes, he did. And I made the room.

Merry Christmas 2013

                                                                                                                                                                 Christmas 2013

Seasons Greetings!

New beginnings. It sounds like a (and most likely is) the name of one of those modern churches where everyone brings mochas to  the service while  the band looks and sounds like a rock group, or it could sound like the name of a rehab center (and again, it most likely is). This year new beginnings is how I describe 2013 for the Waiss family. New adventures were went on, new friends made, new lives began, new places became "home", new beginnings were begun.  So grab your non denominational mocha, or your non alcoholic glass of wine and get caught up on our lives, and enjoy our...new beginnings.

Early spring found Cameron and I at the beach, hosting my parents for a weekend of relaxing and exploring the shops and restaurants of the Oregon Coast. After years of saying 'we should do this' we finally did. Hopefully this becomes a yearly thing, as everyone had a good time, and the house we rent while there is plenty spacious enough nobody is tripping over each other. Plus, the ocean view is awesome. The beach always is a place of comfort and relaxation for me, and I hope this year to get there more often.  In May, in anticipation of their upcoming graduation (and yes, i checked with the school to verify they were on track) Justin and Jacob chose their senior trip adventure as one we had never done before- we flew to Florida and caught a cruise ship through the Carribbean. Our days in the sun were spent exploring Mayan Ruins, enjoying a very cool tour of Pirate-settled Key West, and swimming in the dark blue bathwater warm Carribean Sea in the Gulf of Mexico. We wrapped up our trip with a tour of Miami and South Beach courtesy of their grandparents who spend the majority of their year there in the warmth. Unlike every other vacation I've ever taken, i discovered its OK to RELAX. While onboard the ship, there was alot of downtime, time to just read and rest, and people watch. Lots of guy talk was done, and I was happy to spend those days one on one with my boys before they headed out on their life journey (more on that later). Upon returning home, 10 days later I fullfilled my promise I made a few years prior to the boys to chaperon their Lewis and Clark class on their 5 day kayak trip down the Columbia, retracing the explorers final leg to the Pacific ocean. I did this journey a few years ago with Kaylee, so I was prepared and knew what to expect. Wet all day, Camping (as in  use the outhouse, eat in the dirt, no showers style camping) for 4 nights and 5 days. In a matter of days I went from a luxury ship with a bed, to a damp sleeping bag in a campground. The growth I saw the boys undergo on those grueling 125 miles spent kayaking in the rain, sun and wind,  up to 10 hours a day is something I will always treasure. But thankfully wont have to experience again. And just a few weeks ago, Cameron treated me to a long weekend in San Fransisco, a city I've always wanted to explore. The 8 hours I spent there several years ago allowed for a quick jaunt on a cable car and enough to give a taste to know I wanted more. So, using our Boutique Hotel on Sutter Street just off Union Square as homebase, we explored the beautiful city by train, taxi, and yes, the original Cable Car. We ate amazing food, shopped at the fancy (and some not so fancy) shops on Mission Street, and took a ton of pictures of unique buildings. Fishermans Wharf provided Irish Coffees and good people watching, but the highlight for me personally was crossing item 4 off my bucket list and finally touring Alcatraz Island and prison. The history there...the stories...just an amazing place. I came away from the island in a totally different frame of mind than I had been in, in the months leading up to my journey to Alcatraz. I will blog soon about it (shameless plug for troywaiss.blogspot.com) but suffice to say Alcatraz and the feeling i had when i was standing in the small cell, and looking out at the city from across the bay through a hole in a tall cinder wall made me realize that my personal issues and problems were nothing compared to what others face and endure. Watch the blog, for this is a happy letter dammit!!! And now...the kids. 

Ashley and Brandon made sure they kept the year exciting for everyone. This past fall, right about the time they broke ground on their property to build their new home, Ashleys water broke too. On October 4 in the mid morning hours Grady Michael was born. His uncle Jacob luckily was home from college that weekend and was there to be the first one to hold him. After his parents and grandmother of course. He is a handsome little guy, and very alert. He watches everything around him with great interest and has the same full face smile his sister Macie had (and still does). Macie has been great with him, and is constantly showering him with love. As if a baby and house were not enough, a puppy, Eaton, was added to the Schultz family. What was a tiny white ball of fun is now a huge creamy Lab with pink highlights due to alot of food and  Macie with fingernail polish....Brandon continues as a shop supervisor in the mill, and works constantly on the land they own getting it ready for their children to have a place to play and grow up. Ashley just started back to work on a limited basis after a short baby hiatus and is anxious to decorate her new home that will be done in the next month or so.  When she is not doing hair, or feeding, changing, bathing, cuddling Grady, she works and plays with Macie constantly in her discovery of all things around her. Macie is now "twoooooo....no TEN (giggle giggle giggle)" and her energy and happiness is contagious. Only...her energy lasts longer than her poppas. Much longer. She is beautiful little girl who quickly captures all those around her in delight at everything.  The Schultz's have alot going on and a busy life, their new beginnings are a great source of pride for me.

Kaylee has taken her independance and ran with it. She decided that college was something she was not wanting to do right now, so last spring she choose to enter the workforce full time. She now works at Costco as kind of an "everything" person. She comes to Stevenson once a week and is in charge of the Bulk Foods section at A&J Select, a task she has taken too quite well. I think the few hours in Stevenson are just an excuse to come to town to see her niece and nephew..but whatever gets her "home", I'm not going to question!  Early this year she was set up on a date by a friend who "has a cousin..." well, the date went fairly well as it lead to a few more. And In July, Curtis found out just how many shoes Kaylee has when he tried to move his clothes into her closet in what is now their shared apartment.  He proved his usefulness this summer when Kaylee's car became unreliable and unsafe, and he helped her find and negotiate the deal on her very cute Suzuki that she loves (and I'm actually envious of). He proved his devotion this fall when she had to have oral surgery and grafting done in her mouth, and stayed amped up on painkillers for a few days.  Like a good spouse, he is quick to share "kaylee high" stories.  I have asked him if his job as a Pastry Chef at a fancy bakery-coffee bistro will get us a discount when it comes time to order the wedding cake that is going to be needed in August of 2015 when Kaylee becomes Mrs. Ogden! Good job Curtis' cousin on matchmaking!! The next 19 months will be an exciting and fun time for them. I have been through this before, i know to ju$t $it back and keep quiet.

Justin worked much of the year at Multnomah Falls Lodge earning his spending money for countless midnight video game release gatherings, snowboarding, longboarding, and gas for the car. He finished his high school career on the Soccer Team, wrapping up almost a countinous 15 years of sports. He proudly wore Honor cords at his graduation from High School in June where he also was rewarded by earning some local scholarships. A few weeks post this crowning acheivement, he road tripped to Mexico with some friends for a building project with a local church. Unfortunatly he got an intestional infection shortly after crossing the border and was sick most of the trip and several days once he got home. He still saw this as a good experience his positive attitude has him thinking maybe next year....And of course, theres college. Wrapping up his first semester at Central Washington University next week, Justin loves higher education so far. He is active in campus and dorm activity planning, and is constantly "out with friends" when i try and call him. He just last week became a proud member of the Kappa Sigma fraternity and is hopeing to move into the frat house next school year. At his new home 3 hours from the watchfulness of mine, he is becoming an independant young man and I'm very excited and proud to see him grow as a person. But as his father, sad to see him grow away from me. New beginnings....

Jacob rode along in the car to the falls for work also this past year. Spring he surprised everyone by taking a starring lead in the schools theater performance of "Mousetrap" where he not only nailed a British accent, but got huge laughs and cheers as he lost himself in the role. As Senior Class president, he closed down the graduation ceremony with a huge smile and a toss into the air of his cap. Summer was spent swimming and boarding, and he was in the van of Mexico builders also. In my mind I'm sure he was holding his brothers head while he was so sick...most likely soothing him in his British accent...Shortly after beginning classes at Washington State University in Pullman, Jacob realized that his career choice he had as a child and up until a few years agos once again is what he wants to do. His stunning work he shows has me convinced he will indeed one day be an incrediable art teacher.  Football games at Cougar stadium, comedy clubs, coffee shops and hanging out with people  who I only know through facebook updates keeps him occupied when not studying or creating masterpeices. He says the hardest part of his new beginnings is not seeing Macie and Grady all the time, but he is quick to turn on Skype when his neice calls her "Unka jay jay". 

And now, to wrap us up. So much more happened and was said and experienced this year. So much growth. It is with great pride I look at my legacy and can say "good job dad". I also say 'good job kids', for they are the one who are forging ahead. they are discovering themselves and the world around them. Whether its Grady seeing the lights and twinkle of the Christmas tree for the first time, or Justin confidently walking the pathways of his college, eager to continue exploring his newfound grown up world. They are all doing it. They all are having their new beginnings. And for me, I am remain in the background. No longer needed on a daily basis but never more than a phone call away (or, a 6 hour drive  in Jacobs case).Ashley drops in with her children, and kaylee calls often for cooking tips. But for the most part, they are doing it and figuring it out on their own. . They make their own path, and I no longer am carving the trail, and making sure theres nothing in the way to trip them. The Waiss kids' are doing well and are confident in their lives. And I am learning to make peace and accept.....My new beginning.

Merry Christmas!!

We have kids in the water!

the Lewis and Clark class trip I completed for my second time last week means many different things to everyone. for some, its an "I did it". For others, its setting a goal and accomplishing it. Some see it as physical challenge, and determined to paddle a kayak the entire way no matter what weather, aches or illnesses occur they WILL have bragging rights. Some people tackle the 125 mile journey on the Columbia to see how far they can push themselves. Others enjoy the comraderie and the leadership the trip requires. Whatever the reason, the journey is a personal one for everyone, and we all have our reasons, aside from it being a class requirement or a parental commitment, for doing this trip. I'm not going to write about the sense of accomplishment the 3 of my 4 kids that have taken this journey have got from doing this trip. I wont write about the pride I saw in their faces as they climbed out of their kayaks at the final park, hearing all the people on the riverbank cheering for them as boat horns blared in the background. That is their personal story to tell, not mine. This entry is for me. Its my story to tell. Its my journey. Spring of 2011 when I first took this trip I paddled the river with my daughter Kaylee as my kayak partner. We spent 5 days paddling, and talking, and sometimes we just spent hours paddling, trying to hit our next landmark. This trip came at a time in my life when I was feeling settled. the events of the previous 5 tumultuous years were over, and I was on the other side of what I refer to as my "dark period". I was feeling hopeful about the future, and was finally confidant and happy in many areas of my life. I wanted with this trip to see my daughter achieve her goal of finishing the trip, wanted to see her feel good about herself. I also wanted to be able to say to myself, after screwing up so many areas of my life, that I actually followed through and did something outside of my comfort zone. If camping for 4 nights in a tent, and kayaking, on a river, for 5 days wasn't outside my comfort zone, I wasn't sure what was. And so, I went. And I paddled the entire way, and I camped. And I accomplished my goal and was proud of myself for doing this. Most of all, I was proud of my daughter, who I always thought was so small and timid, and a bit hesitant and shy, as she completed the journey with me. Spring 2013. I find myself not happy with many areas of my life, and feeling bored, and at times a bit of a failure with the way I have let myself go, and the way I have lead my life. I face in the near future a home without constant kids as they will all be on their own. I am happy and proud I have raised 4 good, confident young men and women and turned them loose on the world, but I am also angry and unhappy I have lost myself in the process and find myself unsure and flailing. I am not in a good place within myself, and I am unsure of what all I need to do to fix this. And yet, I was asked by my sons to go on this journey with them, and since its my duty as a Dad, I agreed. I had no expectations of this journey giving me any satisfaction other than seeing my kids and their friends that I have grown to love complete. I've already done the trip, I got what I could, I would do my duty and come home, dirty and smelly, and nothing would be different. Now, friends and family reading this, please know that on this trip, safety is a HUGE part of every moment. The ratio of student to adult chaperone is about 1 to 1. We all have life jackets on any time we are on the water. Safety motor boats circle the group of kayaking kids. Police, paramedics, teachers, parents, firemen are all a part of the chaperone crew. Radios are used by all in boats and some of the adult kayakers. the group is safe. When Kaylee and I did the trip in a kayak together, we stayed towards the back, or the back of the middle, of the pack. At times the group gets spread out over a few hundred yards, so the distance is not too great. As is Kaylee's nature, we played it safe. Steady, secure and cautious. We didn't race ahead to join the pack, and risk the rowdy group that had squirt guns and tried to intentionally dump their friends boats when the river was calm, the weather warm, and there was time to play. Over and over again we watched students make the leap from their boat onto another, knocking kids into the water, laughing and screaming and playing. Kaylee was content to watch and sit in our kayak, dry, warm and safe. throughout Kaylees entire life she has been the calm one, the child that was happiest when things were mellow. Our trip on the river that year was perfectly Kaylee. We didn't dump our boat, we laughed from the confines of our seats and kayak, and we completed our journey. this year, with my sons Justin and Jacob, I wasn't sure what to expect. I kayaked with another chaperone for the first leg of our journey, then seats were shuffled and I had the opportunity to ride the remainder of the journey in a support boat. From my seat in the boat, I could see all the kayakers, and could reach out and hand them food, or help them remove their coats, or just hold their kayaks while they had a bit of an emotional breakdown at times if needed. One of the best parts though was hearing on the radio the communication between the boats, and hearing the care for the students. When a kayak would dump over, or, more often, get tipped on purpose by another student, the nearest boat to the now soaking wet kayaker would call out on the radio "we have kids in the water". The group would slow down, if not stop, until all kayakers were back in their boats and we would continue on. Several times after the "kids in the water" call would go out, it would be quickly followed with "its a Waiss". the first time I heard this, as a parent, my heart jumped a bit. Even though I KNEW my sons were wearing their vests, had their whistles, are strong swimmers, were in the head of the group and so there was about 35 kayaks behind them to help, plus the support boats, my sons were still in the river, and I was....in a boat helpless to them. I would watch as they would climb back into their kayaks and begin paddling again. Until I would hear "we have kids in the water, its a waiss" again. As I watched or heard my sons leap from the safety and stability of their kayaks onto their classmates or teachers, pulling them in, I realized the difference between my two trips. With Kaylee the adventure was enough. With the boys, they took their adventure and magnified it. Kaylee and I sat and watched the daring, while this time my boys were the darers, leaping with abandon and excitement. And this is when I realized that I WAS actually getting something out of this journey once again. I have always been a very protective parent. I worry about my kids when they are not home, when I know they are on the freeway. I feel horrible when they are sick. I stress about their grades, their college forms, their projects at school. I give them the freedom and knowledge to lead their own lives, but I still wonder constantly if they are okay. I watch from a distance as they grow, yet I stay involved in their everyday lives without being too intrusive. And as I watched my sons leap from the safety of their kayaks, onto their friends and into the river, I had to remember they had their life vests on. they had their whistles. they were strong. they would get back in their boats, and they would be okay. And now, I find myself understanding. I found my "what will I get out of this trip"...I understand now. my kids WILL leap. they WILL take others with them, and they WILL go under and get soaked, only to pop up again, laughing and yelling. they've got their vests, they've got their whistles. I will always be in the support boat, ready. To the best of my ability, Ive tried to teach them what to do. Ive got kids in the water. And they are okay.

Christmas 2012 Season’s Greetings! In preparation for this years letter, As usual I went through all the previous years Waiss letters. I have wrote about changes, time, phases, reflecting. In trying to narrow down a theme for this year, after reviewing my notes taken throughout the year on events and happenings, I find myself without a set theme for this years offering. Our lives have all gone in different directions, how am I too pull it all together into a nice neat 2 (or 6) page letter and tie it all up nicely? I struggled with this for several days, before realizing, I cant. And so I wont. This years offering will be much like our year. Full of a bit of everything, it will wander, and it will inform, but it wont follow a path. Get out your GPS, its time for the Waiss’ to share their world. At the corner of West 57th street and 7th avenue in New York City, is Carnegie Hall Across the street from that is the hotel Cameron and I stayed for 5 days with Kaylee, Justin, Jacob and Kaylee’s life long best friend, Lexie. Our NYC adventure in the spring was Kaylee’s choice for her Senior Trip gift. We visited Times Square each day, navigated the Subway (seeing real life NY rats on the tracks was a thrill), we strolled Central Park, and had a quiet moment at Ground Zero, Walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, took pictures at midnight atop the Empire State Building, ate authentic NY pizza in Little Italy, shopped on Canal Street from immigrants running contraband stores in back rooms (but we got really good deals) and the boys discovered that Hot Dogs from a food cart are the best food ever! We connected with my childhood best friend and NYC resident Aaron, who was an excellent tour guide for a day showing the kids parts of the city and streets that no organized tour would have ever done. They got a feel for the city, and he was quizzed endlessly on his life in the city that they all fell in love with. Seeing Kaylee discover, marvel, and thoroughly enjoy what I think is the best city I’ve ever been too made many lasting memories for me, ones I will never forget. A quick jaunt to Tacoma at the end of the summer was our only other getaway, but the 3 youngest managed to make it a thrill by strapping themselves to a wire, being hoisted 125 feet into the air, then dropped. All while making me video tape it from the ground. Without shaking. Ashley took her final step in breaking away, by becoming Mrs. Brandon Shultz in front of almost 200 people this fall. With no back up plan allowed for the unpredictable gorge weather she planned an outdoor wedding in a wide open meadow, with a simple “it BETTER not rain”. As the full sun just started to drop over the mountain in the distance, vows were exchanged, some tears were shed (the entire front row of Waiss’), and the ceremony was beautiful. A huge party followed, and Ashley beamed the entire time. Of course, reality hit the next day as a certain toddler hit’s the floor running every morning! Macie has continued to be a joy in all of our lives, and her toothy grin melts all who see it flashed. Though she has ma-ma and da-da down, I am working on Pop-Pop each day. It appears I may have to settle for “Hot (Hawwt)” as that seems to be her favorite. I’ll take it. Ashley continues to make peoples bad hair look beautiful, or shaggy guys hair short and stylish again in her home salon she has set up. She loves doing hair, and loves working from home, and Macie is able to stay with her mom all day. Brandon is now a shop boss at his mechanic job for the mill. I am not sure what that means, but they were able to move to a larger, better suited house this fall and their cupboards are full, so I’m assuming it is lucrative, and he too is able to do what he loves each day. Kaylee too walked down an aisle in a gown this year. Of course, hers was maroon and she looked like the other 70 kids she has known for 13 years, all wearing the same gown. Graduation was made even better for her as she was awarded several scholarships. She is currently attending college in Vancouver, working towards an Associates Degree in Business. Her dream of owning her own coffee shop has not wavered. Kaylee recently moved into her own apartment “in the city”(much nicer and bigger than her parents first apartment), thus escaping the confines of her hometown. I have a feeling she hasn’t looked back yet! With her scarf stylishly tied, and a grin the entire time, she mastered the streets (and ignored the traffic lights) of NYC in no time and proclaimed if it wasn’t for her niece being in Washington, she’d move there in a second. This past year Kaylee has grown up so much, it is hard to remember she’s still only 19. I think. Justin too had a year of growth. He was on the Varsity Basketball team last winter, and was in the top 2 of the high scorers for his soccer team last spring. He spent 10 days in June in Mexico with a youth group, building a church. (Although the pictures all seem to involve playing with children or posing in goofy stances with his friends). He spent several hours working at Multnomah Falls Lodge in the restaurant this summer, and continues working a few days a month there still during their slow season. Discovering the lucrative world of “tips” from a restaurant has not deterred him from wanting to go into construction, and he has applied at Central Washington University to study in their highly rated program. Justin took a short trip to visit the school with some friends recently, and came home full of college stories after just a few days of experiencing it. He’s ready. I’m not. He is looking forward to winter weekends snowboarding with friends, if he can put down his video game controller long enough to get outside. Jacob a few weeks ago got a reason to smile as he became the last Waiss child to get their braces off, thus ending their mothers and mine 10 year streak of trekking to OHSU every 6 weeks for an ortho appointment. I’m not sure who was happier! Jacobs pictures from Mexico oddly enough do not include hammers or saws either, and his stories from his “mission” rarely mention a building. Basketball and soccer again took up his winter and spring, Long boarding and swimming took up his summer. He took a road trip to Central Oregon with some friends to go rafting, with no parental chaperone. I drank the alcohol I warned him not to while he was gone, as my nerves were on edge the entire time. Working alongside his brother at the restaurant, gives them extra bonding time. He is currently serving on the student council, and is involved in many school activities in his final year of High School. Our year has been busy, yes. The Schultz’s will continue to navigate newlywed life, and parenting the adorable Macie. Kaylee’s newfound independence will increase her confidence, and also decrease her reliance on her need for her parents in her daily life. Justin will graduate in June (with honors it appears) and will leave his parents homes in the fall to begin his own adult life. Jacob will walk across the stage also to get his diploma, on his way to Architecture School at Washington State University. The boys have chosen “somewhere tropical” as their senior trip destination. Which to me means “sand, and rum, maybe some foliage”. As for me, well…I’m not sure. I find myself in an odd place. I’ve been a daily, hands on dad my entire adult life (and even some of my preadult life I guess). My shift is almost over. I am not sure what direction I’m supposed to go in, as my compass’s will all be gone soon. I plan on being there as always, anytime, for any of the Waiss kids. Grandkid included. But I also know I need to work on me, and doing something, and finding my new path. This next year will be a time of change for all of us. As I reflect on the various phases our lives have taken and gone through, I am anxious to see what’s next. And with that, I realize that the Waiss’ year does have a theme after all…life. And it’s a good one friends and family! Merry Christmas~

Failed Crops

once upon a time, not to long ago, there was a small town that was like a storybook village. In this town, there were not alot of people, and the way of life was simple, and not so busy as that of the city. Most of the people in this town had fields, and they were proud of these fields. In fact, many people moved to this small town because of the land. The land turned out good crops, and the farmers were proud of what they sowed. This town was a proud town, and was very good about supporting their own, so most of the farmers went to the local supply store for their fertilzer for their farms. Now this store was held in fairly high regard by people all around the area. It was good to the people, and it sold good fertilzer and materials needed for succesful crops. The store, Supreme-Crops, Saving-Dollars had been around since the town was started, and generations used the store for thier farming needs. And season after season, the locals went to their local market, SCSD for all their supplies. And life was good.
But their came a time when the farmers began noticing their crops just werent up to par. Since the ground was still fertile, and the seeds were planted perfectly, they realized that the fertilzer that SCSD was selling just wasnt the same. they werent getting the quality they expected. At the same time, SCSD was hiring more and more fertilizer experts, and their expertise was proven by the papers tacked to the wall. When the farmers tried to talk to the managers of SCSD about the fertilzer that was getting worse each season, and thier crops that were not doing so well, they were told "these guys are the best. they have papers that show us they understand fertilzer. We pay alot for our fertilzer experts". And the farmers were sent back to their crops, to do what they could to try and help them get ready for harvest, bad fertilizer or not. And so it went. Each year, the crops struggled, some farmers had good product, some didnt. Even the good ones though did not hold up well when compared to crops from other areas, and the lack of quality showed. Due to their location and the fact that they were farmers, many of them could not shop for their fertilzer at other locations. So they were stuck. They tried again to talk to their manure salesmen, but were surprised to find a sign on the door that said "our manure experts work so hard, they have gone home early. Come back another time".
After a particulary rough couple of years on the farmers incomes due to what was known as the "great recession", and just as their nations president was pulling them out of very dark period of little prosperity, SCSD threw a huge bombshell at the farmers. they informed them that the manure they desparatly needed for their crops was increasing in price. All of the sales managers, and assistants to the sales managers, and drivers of the manure, the manure administrators began crying to the farmers that they would lose the quality of manure if they did not pay a higher price. "what quality?" the farmers asked. the manure managers then pulled out their fancy papers that showed they were experts and said "look! See how qualified we are!". Again, the farmers asked "what quality". Beginning to panic, the managers then said, "if you dont pay extra, SCSD will have to stop some things. We wont deliver to your fields anymore. We wont be able to offer the tools to spread manure. If we are sick, we wont be able to have a relief manure salesman help you. We may have to close our store down if you dont pay more. But look at our papers, we are experts at selling manure". The farmers couldnt pay more for their manure that wasnt getting the results they expected, and so they told the people at SCSD this. The sales people then said "everyone around you pays a higher price for their fertilzer than you do. you should have to pay too. What you dont understand is for years our government has given us so much money for our fertilzer, we were rolling in manure money, which allowed us to sell it to you at a cheaper price. They gave us so much money in fact, we threw it at our salespeople and our showroom, but now realize we should have planned better. But, now we have so many high paid experts (look at their fancy papers!), and so many luxuries for our store, that we need you to help more financially to pay for all of this" the farmers stood by in disbelief as they were handed their bills for their manure that they knew was not good, but they were stuck with anyway.

February 14 folks. Time to decide if we want to continue paying for the same manure, or if we want to force the adminstrators to find better quality with the money they currently are collecting.

merry christmas 2011

Christmas 2011

Seasons Greetings!

It’s just a phase… We all have phases we go through…this phase will pass…With each stage in life, each milestone we hit, a new phase begins. As I sit here reflecting on our year that has past, a steaming mug of cocoa next to me (no, its not spiked), classical Christmas music playing softly in the background, I choose to acknowledge these new phases in life we all find ourselves in. Enjoy with us please!

And so, I will just jump right in with probably the biggest, yet at same time smallest, bit of news that the Waiss’ get to share. July 21, at 845pm, after keeping us waiting 12 hours…well..plus 9 months, my baby Ashley gave birth to her baby, Ms Macie May Schultz. At just a tiny bit under 8lbs, that little being instantly had everyone in her life (especially the 26 people in the waiting room ) instantly enthralled and in love. Babies are always a good thing, and my first grandchild is an excellent one. As a father, I am so proud of the parent I have helped raise Ashley to be. As a pop-pop, I am excited and encouraged to see Macie so loved by her mom and dad. I even had the privilege of showing Brandon how to change his daughters first diaper, (and laugh as he gagged as it was messy one). The past couple of months have been pure joy as we have all got to be a part of Macies daily life, and get to experience all of her “firsts”. And as the picture on the back of this page shows, when she smiles, she SMILES!! And luckily, its contagious.
And yet, in addition to our family unit growing, we DID do other stuff this year. Several trips to the coast this year were taken- Cameron and I had a great weekend with some good friends with lots of laughs and stories (the chocolate wine MAY have contributed to this), and throughout the year we spent a few weekends there with the kids. Summers end came fast, and I took the kids for a long weekend to explore Seattle. The highlight we all agreed was taking in the sights of the city lights atop the space needle at night. And in October, we celebrated Kaylees 18th birthday at the coast by taking not only her, but 3 of her friends, the twins and their friend, and Ashley, Brandon and Macie joined us too. It was a full house, but an amazingly great weekend, and lots of good memories made. The older and busier the kids get, the harder it is to find time for all of us to share moments together. One of my favorite things still is when all four are sitting at my table for dinner, laughing, sharing their lives, and crude stories (boys), with macie in my lap. Those moments are pure, and love, and it’s a wonderful phase.

Running the store still allows me to provide for my family. After 16 years, I think I’m settled. As with any career, I find myself bored and the challenge just not always there. As I do enjoy my work, this next year I hope to find ways to make it exciting and something new again. I have some ideas I’m tossing around, and will focus on a new phase of grocery retail. Lets hope its beneficial to both the company and my self worth, not to mention my enthusiasm for what truly has been an excellent career choice (well, career-fall-into I guess). Cameron and I continue to make our long distance (46.8miles) relationship work. As not only our work schedules, but the kids’ schedules, the inclement gorge weather, and gas prices work against us at times, we make the best of the time we do get together. He has become a huge fan of Macie (well, I think the fact she’s like a living doll he gets to dress up has something to do with it). And he’s learning to be a sports fan as the twins are involved in something all the time it seems. His 40th and my not-quite 40th birthdays were days apart this November, we celebrated with me surprising him with a trip to Vegas for a few days, where we walked 2000 miles and slept maybe 3 hours in a few days. It was a great getaway, and wonderful recharge (?). Life is defiantly better with someone to share it all with again!


Ashley ruined her 21st birthday (and my plans to take her and Brandon to Vegas) by being 8 months pregnant this past June. I suppose the trade off was worth it, however, as when I see her holding her baby in her arms, and the joy on her face, Vegas has nothing to offer in comparison. As if the baby was not enough, they also adopted a 3 week abandoned kitten in July, Milo does not know he is a cat. Maybe the fact he gets dressed in baby clothes and has a bath on a regular basis…. Brandon made it official this year by presenting Ashley with a beautiful ring, and plans are in the works for a wedding in fall of 2012. If she can just put down Macie long enough to look at a calendar….The kids also moved from their little house on the prairie log cabin in the wilderness to a home in Carson. it’s a bit smaller, but much closer for Brandons work and will be nicer this winter when snow hits. Plus, its on Pop-Pops delivery route at work…Ashley did not return to work in the shop post-birth, but has set up a small work area in her home and has clients (people with bad hair) come to her now on occasion. Brandon is a mechanic for a mill and works very long hours, yet he has become quite good with a video camera, capturing many cute moments for all to enjoy. Diapers are still a work in progress.

Kaylee is on her final stretch of high school. Impossible to believe that the little girl that had so many reading struggles as a child now can claim her first 4.0 semester, is applying to colleges and $scholarships, and is excited to start her career in becoming a businesswoman in the world of coffee shop ownership. As both her parents and their significant others DO love coffee, this could be good…In May, Kaylee called in her fathers promise made years prior to chaperone her junior class trip. For 5 days, we kayaked the Columbia River from just outside of Stevenson all the way to Astoria. The official mile count was 123, the unofficial was 165 miles kayaked. With tent camping (i.e.-outhouses, campfire, no showers) for 4 nights. Though it was “roughing it”, the chance to spend so much time one on one with my soon to move away daughter on the river was an experience I wouldn’t trade. Though the sunburn and stench I picked up…did I mention no showers? Becoming an Aunt was a dream come true for Kaylee, and her niece adores her, as evident by her giggles. Kaylee continues working at the store, and was promoted to cashier this past fall. She loves to work, and the mall loves her to work also. Graduation in June will mark the end of her “kid” phase, and I’m genuinely sad, yet excited (for her) to see it end.

Justin is counting the days (4 as of this writing) when his braces come off. He fell in love with snowboarding last winter as his job at a ski resort allowed him ample time to practice. This summer he worked in the Forest Youth Success program maintaining trails, camping areas, and public forested areas. He discovered long boarding also (big skateboards that apparently don’t work if you WEAR HELMETS!!) Drivers License was obtained also this year, allowing his father the pleasure (fear) of saying “drive yourself!”. He played junior varsity soccer last spring, and is now on the Varsity Basketball team. He was involved in all homecoming planning events again this year, and helped lead his class to a win for the lip sync contest. Working (boarding) at the resort again this winter has started now too. In his free time, he refills his 6’1 frame with Subway and Pizza. He will wrap up his junior year this spring on track to apply for colleges next year that will help him realize his new dream of becoming a doctor of some kind. And for a young man who had never been around babies, to see him holding and playing with his niece you would never know he was afraid to hold one a few months ago.


Jacob has bragging rights as the first Waiss son to get his drivers License this year, though he also has the distinction of being the LAST Waiss son to get his braces off. His love of music exploded this year, as evidenced by his full IPOD and blisters from his earphones being left in when he dozes off. As an active skiing, boarding, soccer ball kicking, basketball shooting teenager, he dozes off often. And ALWAYS in the car when not the driver. I hope. He too worked on the mountain-forest-mountain again. He also acts a mentor of sorts for special needs students, and not only dressed as Santa to deliver food baskets to the needy, but also played the part when recognized by some of the children he helped to feed. His artistic gift came in handy when creating sets for homecoming week this past fall. Becoming an Uncle is probably the only thing that could make Jacob put down his video game controller. No matter what game he’s on, all is put aside with the words “Macie’s here!” Next year will see Jacob become a high school senior and mark the beginning of the end of his childhood “phase”.

And so we look ahead to our next phases. In March, I am excited to relive one of my best experiences ever as I take the three youngest Waiss’ to New York City for a 5 day trip to pre-celebrate Kaylee’s graduation accomplishment coming up in June. Our Times Square hotel makes me excited to see them discover the most fascinating place I have ever been, and I look forward to making Kaylees dream of seeing the city a reality for her special moment in life. Marriage and parenthood will continue to teach Ashley and Brandon joy and pure, unabashed love. Graduation will thrust Kaylee out onto her own, whether a dorm or apartment is her next phase, I am confident her parents did a good job in getting her ready for her own life. The boys will enter their final year of school, and will be held closer as the girls stretch farther away. Cameron and I will sit in the wings, and along with their mom, watch our family grow up and evolve.
As Macie smiles and giggles, I am reminded of just how good life is. Our dear friends and family, It’s just a phase, but it’s a great one!

Cheers~

The Waiss’

Chistmas letter 2010

Christmas 2010

Seasons Greetings!

When I first sat to finally write this recap of our year, I found myself stumped as to what to say. All my notes taken during the year to remind me what to include before me, the previous years letters in the their book open beside me, and I had not a clue what to say. Shocking I know! Me, who always has plenty to say or opinions to share, silent. My fingers would sit on the keyboard, unmoving. My mind racing over the past year, and yet nothing would come. And so, I took a walk. I do this often to clear my head (doesn’t work), to regroup my thoughts (and those just wandered). I walked down by the lake, my boots kicking the slushy snow, my mind spinning. And then I heard some kids laughing. Looking around, I saw 4 kids in the park, sliding and laughing as they played in the barely covering the ground snow. They attempted to make snow balls out of the meager bit of fresh powder that had fallen, and amazing enough they ended up with what was nothing more than pebbles, but they had a blast flinging them at each other. As I stood there in my heavy coat and scarf, hiding in the shadows of the giant tree watching the kids play (kinda creepy sounding huh?), I got it. My inspiration. Our Christmas letter.
The past few months I have been beating myself up mentally over the things I have not accomplished this year. I had planned on a big vacation for my kids and I that didn’t happen. I’m not able to provide the boys with their own cars this winter when they turn 16. I didn’t pay off the debt that I want so badly to make disappear. My new furniture I was counting on getting this fall to improve the looks of our home did not become a reality. As I listened to those kids enjoying something as simple as fresh snow, and the glee they have in playing freely, I realized that I was forgetting to appreciate what I had done this year. I was able to take the kids to the beach several times this past year for long weekends, and for Fathers Day weekend the kids surprised me with a already booked hotel room at the coast for a short family getaway. On those weekends we shopped, played, and laughed a lot, and enjoyed being together. I was able to purchase a more reliable family car as the old one was getting more unreliabler (is that word even? If Sarah Palin gets to make one up, then I should get to also I think). Several movies, shopping excursions, and sports events were attended due to a car that could get us all there safely. We were able to eat out more than we should and the bills still got paid on time. We sat on the functional couch many nights together watching movies. We had great times this year as a family, and in looking back, we did a lot, together. Our family unit grew stronger as we spent time in not only cars and hotel rooms, but also several nights a week at the dinner table, where conversation tends to lean towards crude humor, but everyone is free to speak their mind and say what they want. And of course, laugh often. In those moments together, we are all nothing but playing and laughing kids.
The year has been full of exciting (at least to us) things for everyone. July marked my 15th year of managing the store. I never would have guessed all those years ago that when I accepted the position I was embarking on what has turned out to be my life’s career. Cameron and I celebrated our one year anniversary together in September, and I am happy to say that he and I are looking forward to many more milestones together to come our way. I submitted my first novel for publishing, and though it was promptly rejected (upon which the zip drive it was saved on was smashed to bits in a fit of low self esteem moment), at least I can say I finally tried to follow my dream and get something out there for the masses to read. For those interested, my blog is available for free online at: troywaiss.blogspot.com if you want to see unpublished material that my mind and fingers churn out. Disgusting self promotion I know. I have no shame.

Ashley and Brandon continue to live in their log cabin way out in the wilderness. Well…theres trees all around them and I have to drive 15 miles to see them so it’s close enough to the wild. She is building up her clientele at the hair salon each cut, perm, color and wax one at a time. If your in town and need to improve your looks, call her! (See, I will shamelessly promote everyone!) With all she has done this year, perhaps her biggest thrill is showing off her new pink rifle she got this fall. It doesn’t really match her Coach bag, but she loves it the same! She has a big year ahead of her as she turns 21 this coming summer, with many of life’s opportunities and excitement continuing to come her way. A few of the highlights of my year are those nights when she joined us at the table for family dinner or game night. But as she makes that final transformation from child to adult, No matter what, she’ll always be seen as my loud, silly, typical blond little girl.



Kaylee is enjoying her Juinor year and beginning to look ahead to life after high school. College brochures have begun showing up in our mailbox daily, and her teachers have begun pushing the “after high school plan” with each conference or mailing sent home. She just marked her first year of working at the store…ahhh I remember those days. She recently sold her first car and bought a cute Honda Accord, though she has yet to master the stick shift and so HER car sits until she is comfortable. Or until the spare car gives up. Hurry Kaylee! She has continued her love affair with the mall, though when she has to find it herself, it’s a given I will get a teary phone call where the first words are “I’m lost…“ When asked what she wanted included in the letter this year, she just smiled and simply said “Michael”. As Michael is 17, just under 6 foot, and attached to Kaylee at every possible moment, it would be impossible to literally include him. This past year though Michael has become a loved and near constant fixture in our family unit and we are happy Kaylee has found someone who treats her so well and adores her. Michael is whipped.

Justin is this close to the 6 foot mark, though by the time this letter is received chances are he’ll have ate his way past it. He played on the Juinor Varsity soccer team last spring, skied, surfed, and inner tubed on the river this summer, was a proud member of the high school football team for the first time this fall, and is now in the third week of playing Juinor Varsity basketball. He is building a massive entertainment center in his woodworking class, and constructing master pieces in his art design classes that his instructor raves about. This fall he was involved in most Homecoming week events either constructing sets, choregraphing lip syncs, and participating in every event he could. To keep from getting bored, he was just hired at a area ski resort for winter weekends where he will be a parking attendant. Justin will be taking drivers Ed late this winter in between sports seasons. I am looking forward to him driving himself to his various practices and events. He also eats a lot.

Jacob completed drivers ed at the end of summer, and will be a licensed driver this winter if all goes as planned. He discovered the school weight room as a perfect refuge and place to enjoy when not playing soccer, football, or most recently basketball. If a hotel we stayed at had a fitness center, once he made sure the TV had the correct inappropriate shows on it, he’d head down for a work out. He too will be working at the ski resort this winter as a ski check clerk. I’m not sure what that means but I hear check and so I am happy. He’s more excited for the season snowboard pass that’s included in his benefit package. He has a dresser under construction in his woodworking class that is almost as tall as he is and has cost roughly more than his birth did. Like his brother, he had braces put on this fall. He’s hoping when we fly next, they set off the detector, thus causing a pat down and grope courtesy the new TSA rules. Jacob has the distinction of being the kid that has made his father turn red or speechless the most due to twisted comments that come from him. Well done buddy.

This next year, of course I have hopes and dreams for what we can do, see or accomplish. Rather than list them though, I will just be happy with knowing that whatever happens, we’ll be playing and laughing together. We will slip and fall, and get up again. We’ll throw snow pebbles. As a family we will enjoy the fresh and the new, and we’ll be glad for what have. And if someone should be watching from the shadows, well, we hope you can find it within yourselves to join in. Please, come laugh and play with us.

Happy Holidays~