It's only a dollar.

Yesterday evening I was shopping, picking up stuff to make a nice dinner and various items my kids would be needing for a weekend getaway we have planned. As I wandered through the supermarket, I kept finding myself in the same aisle as a lady and her son, who I would guess was about 7. As I put stuff as needed or wanted in my cart, I noticed the lady showing her son how to read the price tags, and I heard her a few times guideing him to the less expensive, generic branded items. I didnt really pay to much attention, though at one time I needed an item where she was standing, so while waiting for her to move on, I observed her explaining to the young boy how to see if the larger size was really cheaper than a smaller size, thus making it a better deal in the long run for them. I got my item, and continued down the aisle. This continued a few rows. I wasnt really paying much attention to them as I was focused on getting my needed ingrediants for an experimental meal I was making, and I was wanting to get out of the store. Then, surrounded by flour and sugar and syrups, I had the moment.
The young boy came running up to his mom, very excited. He had something in his hand, and was waving it at his mother. "Mom! I found a car! It's only a dollar and it's really a neat one!". The eagerness in his face for his mom to see his prize made me smile as I walked past them. I heard his mother say quietly "Food Stamps wont buy toys. I'm sorry." I looked over, pretending to look for a muffin mix as the lady gently took the car from her son, his head now drooping a bit, and she laid the car on a shelf and together they pushed the cart away. She was whispering to him something about getting paid on Friday, they'd come back and see if they could find it then. The boy simply said, "It's only a dollar, you dont even have one dollar?"

I instantly thought of the peice of paper I carry in my wallet, under my drivers license. On it I've written "remember where you were". This is to remind me of a time when I was not so fortunate finacially in my life. My wife and I were newly married, with a 3 year old and a 4 month old. In an 18 month time frame, our family expanded unexpectadly with twins, our oldest daughter had suffered a devasting injury resulting in surgeries and hospital stays with no medical insurance to help. In addition, due to the high risk pregnancy and then the logistics and daycare excepense of having 4 kids under 5, I was the only one able to work outside the home. And my job was paying slightly above minimum wage. To say we were struggling is an understatement. Diapers and formula alone took half of my after taxes pay. Our rent and power bill took almost all the rest. There were several nights we lay in bed talking and crying, trying to figure out a way to get out of the financial nightmare we were in. Good paying jobs were just not available, and it was not economically feasable for my wife to go back to work. We were broke. Our parents were not in positions to help us, nor would we ask them had they been. We were determined to find a way out.
Grocery shopping was an embarassing ordeal. The third of each month, we would load our young family up, diaper bags in tow, and drive our rattletrap car 35 miles to shop at a supermarket not in our town. Food stamps would buy our food for the month. This was when the stamps were printed paper, in booklets. Our grocery bill would be totaled up, and with red faces, we'd quickly rip the stamps out of the books to pay, not looking at those behind us in line, and praying nobody we knew would see us. Each time we'd have to shop this way, one of us would say "something has to change".
Through this rough time, our children didnt miss out on anything. Gifts were always well done, as we would do layaways throughout the year and make payments when we could so we always had toys and clothes for birthdays and Christmas. We shopped sales, and did without many things ourselves so our kids would not have to do without. And food stamps fed us.
With hard work, determination, and alot of embarrassment, we worked ourselves out of the hole. As soon as we could, we dropped food stamps. We bought our own groceries. Things were still tight, but we made it. We continued to thrive and made a good and comfortable life for ourselves and our kids. The shame I felt at not being able to provide for my family, this never left. The paper I carry in my wallet with those words on it? Its a one dollar food stamp. The last one in our last book.

And so last night I heard this mother telling her son "food stamps wont buy toys, I'm sorry" and I knew her shame. I felt her pain. I saw the boys face, and I knew his sadness. He didnt argue, he merely accepted "not right now" I'm sure he's heard it before. And so they continued down the aisle. I stuggled with myself on what to do. Do I butt out? Its not my concern, not my kid. Do I buy the toy and give it to the boy? He's not my kid, not my responsibility. What do I care if he's happy or not? I reached over and grabbed the Matchbox car. I pulled two dollars from my pocket and as I walked by the lady, I handed the car and cash to her and said "I've been there" and kept walking. She called out to me "Payday is Friday, it's okay". As I turned, she was holding the items back at me. I could see the defeat in her face, the life that has her beat down etched in her eyes. "It's okay, I've been there." I said. "Things turn around". And I turned the corner away from the mother and her son, leaving her the cash and toy. The young boy ran up to me and said "thank you. But it's only a dollar. You gave two". I told him to go find a second car then.

Did I do this and tell others so I'd get a pat on the back? No. I did this because I know what its like to not buy my own food, and have to wait until payday to buy a treat. A child should not have to understand their parents have no money for fun things. Nor should a parent have to tell their child to wait over one dollar. Perhaps the mother I encountered will be in a position one day to help another less fortunate parent. Perhaps the boy will grow up and in the back of his mind remember the kindness of a stranger and know that life is not always a no, or a wait.
Food Stamps are not fun. They are humiliating and degrading for those who are forced to use them. True, some people have no problem using them, and some even take pride in the fact they dont have to work and can still eat well. My wife and I? Food stamps not only bought us groceries and formula, they bought us determination.
No, food stamps won't buy toys. But yesterday, they did.